I’ve really been struggling with my self-esteem today. Those feelings of not being good enough, talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough – I could go on and on and on. I’m not assertive enough, not determined enough, organized enough… OK, voice inside my head…. STOP!!!!!
I know that these feelings are silly. I can think of several positive adjectives to describe me – caring, compassionate, responsible, intelligent, and giving. WOW, just trying to come up with a list is hard tonight. Every time I add another descriptor, that little voice in my head laughs at me and tries to convince me otherwise.
My kids think I’m pretty amazing. My husband loves me. My parents are proud of me. I have all kinds of friends who would run to my rescue at a moment’s notice. And my Father is the creator of the universe! Why then, am I having such a difficult time being content – finding that place where I am satisfied?
Somewhere along the way, I stopped being confident in myself. (Being overweight will definitely do that to you.) I lost that person inside me who KNEW that she could do anything she put her mind to. And now, I find myself looking to people around me to validate me. It’s crazy; because I’m looking to the wrong people.
So, how do I get beyond this? I will continue to ponder and let you know what I discover. What I do know is that I will find my way. All I have to do is take one tiny step forward – and that makes me stronger. And tonight, being honest about my feelings is a pretty good step forward.
I’m going to hold to that. I’m going to remember that I don’t have to be perfect, just moving forward.