Last night, Nathan and I were flipping through a bunch of old pictures – the ones where he and Hannah were babies. We had a lot of laughs from the stories I would tell and from the silly things I caught them doing while they were little.
One thing was missing – pictures of me with my kids. I was there, and I’m sure there were people around that would have taken pictures of me WITH my children, but I always made sure to be the one holding the camera. And, if by some rare chance, someone caught me in a photo, I very clever to pull one of the kids in front of me so that most of me could remain hidden.
Sad, isn’t it? That I am missing from the photo memories of my children’s early lives. How much more of life have I hidden from?
So, then I started looking at some other pictures – ones where I was included. Most of these were pre-kids. As I walked down memory lane, I didn’t remember a single time when I had a positive body image. I don’t remember exactly what was wrong, what part I didn’t like, but I know I wasn’t happy with the way I looked.
So, that’s got me to thinking – when will I start feeling positive about my body image? What will it take for me to feel good about myself? What exactly is it that I am hoping to achieve?
I don’t have the answers yet. But I do know that I am committed to finding out. I think that’s why this blog is so important for me. I can’t write lies. On paper, I have to be honest with myself – painful or not.