I am totally disgusted with myself. And I’m disappointed in my progress. Once I got really honest with myself and looked at why I wasn’t making any progress, my disgust grew.
Back in September – a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG time ago – I reached the 80 pound mark. What a day! What joy, enthusiasm and pride. So what did I do then? From my progress, it looks as if I have fizzled out.
I am slowly returning to my old ways. For example, I SERIOUSLY overate on junk food tonight – to the point that I felt horrible; I felt pain, even nausea. Nathan came down to the den and sat next to me on the couch with a big bag of M&M’s. I felt incredibly YUCKY, yet I still had to have a handful (or two) of candy. SERIOUSLY?!
I think I have been doing junk like that for a couple of weeks – probably many weeks. That’s why I am still hovering between 83 and 84 pounds.
I’ve got to get my head back on straight – and sooner than later – before my weight starts moving in the opposite direction.
I can make up all sorts of reasons (excuses) – having been sick, oral surgery, Christmas concert, basketball, work, Christmas shopping, the new program – you name it. But none of that counts. I’ve got to learn how to make healthy choices even during the less-than-normal times. I mean, really, how much of life actually falls under “normal”.
I feel like I’ve lost my motivation. I feel like I’m slipping. I look forward to the time when I am on the other side of this desert so I can go back to encouraging other people.
OK, here we go. Starting over right this very minute. Not waiting until tomorrow or even next week. Doing it NOW.