Sometimes life brings with is some disappointments; but no matter how bummed, I have to dig down deep and remind myself of what I know to be true. God’s got this.
Don’t everybody panic on me. I have not gotten any bad medical news. I’m still taking my shots three days a week and am managing the side effects pretty well. I’m in the middle of week 18 (I think), meaning that I have 30 weeks left. Right now, though, the reminder of progress isn’t making me feel any better. Yippee (she says with sarcasm.)
A little background – tomorrow I was scheduled to get a PET scan, and if the report came back clear, then I was going to be able to have the port removed from my chest. Very selfish reasons were driving my hope that I could get these items taken care of. One, I absolutely HATE the port. It is a foreign object in my body, and if I bump it – it HURTS. Secondly, I wanted to get as many medical procedures done before the end of the year while I have met my maximum out of pocket. I don’t have to pay any portion of the expenses between now and the end of the year. Starting January 1, the bills start accumulating.
But, alas, that is not to be.
The Cancer Center just called to tell me that the insurance company will not allow the PET scan until I have completed my treatment. I am dumbfounded, disappointed, and discouraged. Oddly enough, as anxious I was about the test results, I feel zero sense of relief from it all being postponed.
I selfishly wanted things to move forward. I want to return to normal and, more than anything, get back in the gym. I want my life back.
For now, I must wait. Despite it all, I will continue trust in God’s faithfulness and provisions.
But for a little while, I’m going to feel discouraged.