While the doctor’s office isn’t the Promised Land, it was a place that promised great hope. Oh, it was such a long, LONG, LLLLOOOONNNNGGGG week getting to this place.
I expected to walk in, tell her I needed more meds, she would write me a prescription, and I would be on my way. Of course not, nothing in my life is ever THAT easy. But what did transpire was a tremendous blessing.
Dr. A asked me what had been happening that brought me to this point. Did it just happen overnight? Was it a gradual build up? Do you feel like you’re going to explode? Or do you want to cry non-stop? Are you sleeping?
I told her that I had felt things slipping for about a month; then a week ago, I started feeling a desperate sense of rage start to build. She nodded and explained how hard interferons attack your mind, which is why I have a team of doctors watching my symptoms – an oncologist AND a psychiatrist. She reminded me that it’s nothing to play with; that people on interferons have committed suicide. I am soooo not there, but I’m glad that everyone around me is taking this mental junk seriously.
She also explained that the lack of sleep can significantly add to depression. Good grief; I’m getting it from all sides.
Discussion over. We both felt a little better about where I was. Dr. A upped my dosage of anti-depressants as well as a something to help me sleep. I’m not digging the “relaxant”, but I’ll follow the doctor’s orders. God sent me to this particular doctor. So I will take her direction as a blessing.
Bless Dr. A’s heart; she gave me some samples of the anti-depressant. Just the hope from having the meds in my hand made relax a bit. And I couldn’t get a pill in my system fast enough. I left there, drove to a drive thru, got a diet Coke, and swallowed that sanity in a pill.
I know it doesn’t take full effect immediately, but the next morning I could feel a difference. Today, I feel even better – like I could be a productive member of society. I still want to sleep all the time, but I have said before, I’ll take the progress – in any package, however small.
God is so very good! Even in the midst of the storm.
ps – Thank you, Candy Grissom for encouraging me that this is only a temporary state of mental crisis. I re-read your note often! It helps to know that someone else has been there.