A Heavy Heart

What a week. It’s been like trudging through the mud. I seem to be adapting the shots – still nauseous but not as bad as it was when I first started last Thursday. I’m filled with the strongest urge to cry, and I’m not sure what’s causing it.

Normally, I can get to a low spot, figure out what is wrong, and work through it. But these last few days, I can’t seem to break through. I am sad, but why? The image I long for is to be held and protected by my Heavenly Father, like a mother cradling her baby who has finally found that peaceful place of sleep.

This is not depression, and I am not taking any more medication to work through this. But I don’t have any answers – why I’m feeling this way or how to get out. And please, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t email me your suggestions.

For the last several days I have been listening to a lot of Christian music. And the words have spoken to me with a yearning like I haven’t ever felt. My heart hurts with all the junk here. I’m not sad about myself, I’ll get through this. Of that, I am sure. But so many people are hurting.

I know God is with me. I know he will never forsake me. I know he has a plan. I know he is using me to reach others. I know all of those things. I know the truth. But my heart is hurting, and I’m not sure why or how to move beyond it.

I long to stand before the Father and praise him with reckless abandon. I long to sleep and all the junk to pass me by. I want to feel the peace that only God can give.

I’m afraid that if I start crying, I won’t be able to stop.


Comments on: "A Heavy Heart" (3)

  1. No suggestions, just my love!

  2. No suggestions here, but a big hug and a prayer for complete healing. May God hold you close, just as you described, and be your warrior to fight off such demons. Peace, comfort and healing to you, dear friend.

  3. Kathy, please know that even though you are 10 hours away from me, that you are in my heart and you are ALWAYS in God’s watchful eye. Consider yourself given a Grimey hug! 😉

    Living in His love,

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